A more personal topic: Having (or not having) a family while building a business?
I’ve been fairly active on Twitter and have come across several founders and creators who hold very different views when it comes to having a family.
The opinions vary, and I really appreciate that people are open about discussing it.
Some say that having a family and kids is the best thing for them. It gives their business meaning because they’re building something to share with others. It also helps them avoid being consumed by work 24/7 (for some 27/9). This perspective is more common among entrepreneurs in their 40s.
Others view kids as a distraction – something that prevents them from focusing fully on their work because kids demand constant attention. This mindset tends to be more common among people in their 20s/early 30s.
I’ve also noticed that those who were extremely focused on their business often didn’t have much time for their families, or didn’t get around to starting one at all.
I know this is a personal topic, but I’m curious:
Where do you place family and work in your life? What’s your take on it?
If you already have a family, how do you manage to separate your professional and personal life so that your loved ones don’t get neglected?
Replies
In Turkey, we say: "You can’t hold two watermelons in one hand." It simply means: focus on one thing at a time.
@hur_ozan_ozbay going to use the opposite phrase somewhere "You can hold two watermelons in one hand if..." 😅
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@hur_ozan_ozbay @gamifykaran Karan, finish that sentence :D I want to know how it continues :D
@hur_ozan_ozbay @busmark_w_nika You can hold two watermelons in one hand if you use these 5 AI tools for your marketing.
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@hur_ozan_ozbay We have something like: You cannot sit with your butt on (number) chairs at the same time :D
@hur_ozan_ozbay We also have something similar: You can't hold two fish in one hand.
@hur_ozan_ozbay or as we say here you cant catch two rabbits
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@hur_ozan_ozbay @sean_scores From which country does this saying come from? :D
Parsagon
Imo both schools of thought are touching on important requirements for building a business:
On the one hand, you need a lot of time/resources to build a business. Someone who has to raise kids may not have the time or financial freedom to pursue entrepreneurial endeavors. (Though things might be different if your spouse is the main homemaker/caregiver. I do wonder how much time entrepreneurs who find family/kids is beneficial are spending with their family).
On the other hand, most entrepreneurs also need a good support network. Building a business is stressful, and I can see how your family/kids could serve as that much needed support network. (But again, I don't think you can be the main caregiver for the kids—if you're trying to be the main caregiver and trying to build a business, I think you'd just increase your stress overall lol)
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@sand1929 This is one of the reasons why not so many women build businesses – they are supposed to be housewives and take care of their kids.
I think when it comes to family life, its really hard to gauge what is "enough" or when you "neglect them" until conflict arises. It might be presumptuous of me to say, but sometimes I'm guilty of taking my loved ones for granted, and I don't usually know until its been expressed loud and clear.
Of course, some people are more in tune with the going-ons in their household and can manage these roles better, but generally, (in my opinion) your family should be a priority (especially with kids), and the onus is on you to find time and energy for your work.
Needless to say, different people have different priorities. Its hard to give a definitive answer on this great question.
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@yetl Another question that comes to my mind – how can one (especially a woman) build a career when there is also a (biological) pressure to have a family, without it being too late?
It feels sometimes unfair. But it is only a subjective feeling.
@busmark_w_nika I really think having a supportive partner will be the best solution to all these pressures.
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@johny_d So in general... kids help you to "relieve"?
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@johny_d True. They need attention.
To be completely honest, I think it depends entirely on the person. Some people prefer to focus on just 1 thing, in this case their startup. Others need a support mechanism or people to kind of recharge and relax (family).
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@wreit Yeah, having family is another full time job :D do not have so much time and attention :D
Great topic!
For me, both are incredibly important! Since last year, I’ve been a father, and my wife and I have been together for 9 years (though not married for that long). Not once has it crossed my mind to build a business or create something without having a family.
First, because that’s the whole point of business/life – to have people to share it with. Your partner/kids/parents are the type of people you want in your life to be around you forever.
Second, in terms of happiness – the more time you spend with your loved ones, the better. Why wait until I’m 50 to become a father and miss out on 20–30 years of life without a child? I want to spend 60–70 years with my kids. Why deprive myself of that? Same with the partner - why not to be with my wife 60 years instead of 15-20?
Third, what’s better than building something with the person next to you? Building a family, becoming a better version of yourself, and growing a business (not necessarily as business partners, but having them beside you through the journey).
And honestly, having a child doesn’t get in the way of my work. Sure, it requires attention, but I want to give it attention. People tend to overdramatize these things. I’d rather spend one hour with my child than watch Netflix.
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@byalexai You said it nicely. Gosh, how old is your son? I only remember one of our calls where you announced it. It was a surprise to me! :D
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@byalexai He is BBB (Big Boy Boss) ! :)
Dope Notes
For me, it’s just my wife and I — so everything I do, work included, is about building a secure and comfortable future for us. Work is important, but it’s a means to support the life we want to live together. I work hard during the day so we can enjoy evenings and weekends together, without distractions.
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@tim_holmgren1 Yeah, it is about finding the right person. Maybe that's why I perceive it so pessimistically.
I am not yet there. 😅
IXORD
My answer in any version, with or without family. Family allows you to become better, but even without family you try to do more for the sake of the company. If there was an opportunity to change something, I would not change it. There are people who cannot withstand family problems or combine life with work.
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@ixord TBH, for me, it would be a real challenge. Not so sure whether I wanna go that way.
That’s such a thoughtful question, Nika. For me, I’m somewhere in the middle. I don’t have kids yet, but I do have a partner and a close-knit family, and they definitely keep me grounded.
There have been stretches where I let work completely take over, and it actually made me worse at both — worse at being present with my family and worse at thinking clearly about the business.
I think what’s helped me is getting better at setting boundaries!!! ...and finding ways to work smarter, not just longer. I’ve also gotten really interested in how technology and tools can help free up time and make work more meaningful, so I don’t always feel like I'm choosing between your work and the wifey. Hopefully there'll be even better tools by the time I have children in the mix (fingers and toes crossed in AI).
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@webaccessguy To raise a children in this AI era will be quite challenging, LOL.